Lonely nights. Restless afternoons. Need distractions. Feels different. Dilemmas. Stressed out. Unhappy. Scared. Worried. Fake smiles. Do I? Should I?
Man I am messed up.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
First ever shoot.
So yesterday was th much awaited shoot I did for Kuber Jewellers. Well to begin with, I never thought it would be so tiring! We started at 11 am and only end at 10 pm! Almost 12 hours. Geez, but yes I survived!
The first location of our shoot was at Hotel Shankar, Lazimpat. I am still very much in awe cuss that place was that amazing! Beautiful beautiful choice. But oh th sun! The scorching heat. It was so difficult to not squint my eyes while posing. When I tried to open my eyes, th tears kept coming. Difficult indeed but I think we did get a good shot out the hundreds of pictures?
Around 3pm, we wrapped and moved on to location 2 that was (surprise, surprise) Bhaktapur, all th way at th other end of town. The shoot carried on. 3 models with each having 3/4 dress changes. Hunger and exhaustion took over, but we kept going. I honestly think I didn't do that well but I tried. I tried to look like I was the most beautiful girl even though deep down I was as nervous as a child on his first day of school. Imagine th irony and th act I had to put up with! My eyes looked so droopy and lifeless, my smile? Pure Barbie. (as in fake) I will never understand why and how. Guess I am not made to be photographed? Le sad. But Im just hoping and crossing my fingers that th photos come out well. Can't wait!
And oh heres a sneak peak of my make up done by none other that Sakil Kunwar! Haha! Look at me. God, never did I imagine I could look like that! :/
Anyway, good weekend everybody!
The first location of our shoot was at Hotel Shankar, Lazimpat. I am still very much in awe cuss that place was that amazing! Beautiful beautiful choice. But oh th sun! The scorching heat. It was so difficult to not squint my eyes while posing. When I tried to open my eyes, th tears kept coming. Difficult indeed but I think we did get a good shot out the hundreds of pictures?
Around 3pm, we wrapped and moved on to location 2 that was (surprise, surprise) Bhaktapur, all th way at th other end of town. The shoot carried on. 3 models with each having 3/4 dress changes. Hunger and exhaustion took over, but we kept going. I honestly think I didn't do that well but I tried. I tried to look like I was the most beautiful girl even though deep down I was as nervous as a child on his first day of school. Imagine th irony and th act I had to put up with! My eyes looked so droopy and lifeless, my smile? Pure Barbie. (as in fake) I will never understand why and how. Guess I am not made to be photographed? Le sad. But Im just hoping and crossing my fingers that th photos come out well. Can't wait!
And oh heres a sneak peak of my make up done by none other that Sakil Kunwar! Haha! Look at me. God, never did I imagine I could look like that! :/
Anyway, good weekend everybody!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
The cycle.
Have you heard of it? Lemme elaborate.
Stage 1- Intruders.
Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy. He thinks she's quite cute while she doesn't give much thought. A few days pass by and they start talking. The conversations are usually more interesting at first since both of em' are getting to know each other and maybe there's th thrill of conversing w a stranger? Within the first few casual friendly chats, they sort out their similarities and differences. The talks keep going and they are way closer than before. Strangers to friends- Stage one complete.
Stage 2- The Chase.
Their talks get intimate. And by now he discovers sth in her. Maybe its her personality, humor or just the whole package? Feelings start to develop. He's convinced shes th one. He's nervous of making any moves at all cuss on the other end she just sees him as nothing but a close companion. They hardly skip a day w/o communicating w each other! Slowly even th girl finds herself anxious to see if theres a text from him and she sees his name flashed on her mobile screen, she heaves a sigh of relieve. He makes her feel like she is a perfect being, makes her feel just so good about herself. She shares all her problems with him. However a good listening ear can be confused as 'a friend in need is a friend indeed', isn't it? He starts to get bolder and drops a few hints here and there. She realises too but shes confused and instead worries she's thinking too much. While he's chasing, she's running. But one day it hits her and she slows down. It doesn't take long for the boy to catch up to her. She then gives in, gives in to the chase. She gives in to his affection. Friends to lovers- Stage 2 complete.
Stage 3- Their Honeymoon.
Oh, they have never been happier! Both so in love and ecstatic. He seems much happier and I guess it cuss his efforts paid off? Or is it just the love? She remains abit shy at first while he showers her w utmost love, practically worshiping her like a loyal devotee. He's always eager to meet her. He loves her so much and She's taken aback by his romantic gestures. Although she has her doubts from deep within, shes convinced she's th luckiest for bagging such an amazing guy. Both experience shyness yet th butterflies in their stomach each time they meet up, resembling newly weds during their honeymoon. They explore new places during their honeymoon, taking pictures, making memories, just embracing their new found love. Perfectly at bliss- Stage 3 complete. *Note- This stage usually last between 6-12 months.*
Stage 4- Distance.
They return from their honeymoon and take rests. By now they know each other very well, whatever doubts she had before is cleared. She gives it her all but she feels he's not as into this as before. Not as sweet and genuine as before. He has started taking her for granted. Her insecurities start mounting. Did she do something wrong? She tries w all her might to reach out to him but he fails. She starts to argue over small issues, in hopes of getting his attention maybe? Doesnt work out as she thought it would. Thus resentment starts to build up, not forgetting th mountain piles of doubts and insecurities she has accumulated. Many things change. There's distance between them now and th irony is that they live in th same state. Pulling apart- Stage 4 complete.
Stage 5- The Question Mark.
So now, the relationship has reached to a fragile stage. Is th love still there? Will things work out? Or is a termination on its way? Its full of possibilities, which not us but only those two in th story can conclude. Are they willing to try? Will th sweet boy return? If both of them try and compromise, then they might return to stage 3 again. But if not, sadly and unfortunately, stage one. The question mark- Stage 5 to be continued.
Stage 1- Intruders.
Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy. He thinks she's quite cute while she doesn't give much thought. A few days pass by and they start talking. The conversations are usually more interesting at first since both of em' are getting to know each other and maybe there's th thrill of conversing w a stranger? Within the first few casual friendly chats, they sort out their similarities and differences. The talks keep going and they are way closer than before. Strangers to friends- Stage one complete.
Stage 2- The Chase.
Their talks get intimate. And by now he discovers sth in her. Maybe its her personality, humor or just the whole package? Feelings start to develop. He's convinced shes th one. He's nervous of making any moves at all cuss on the other end she just sees him as nothing but a close companion. They hardly skip a day w/o communicating w each other! Slowly even th girl finds herself anxious to see if theres a text from him and she sees his name flashed on her mobile screen, she heaves a sigh of relieve. He makes her feel like she is a perfect being, makes her feel just so good about herself. She shares all her problems with him. However a good listening ear can be confused as 'a friend in need is a friend indeed', isn't it? He starts to get bolder and drops a few hints here and there. She realises too but shes confused and instead worries she's thinking too much. While he's chasing, she's running. But one day it hits her and she slows down. It doesn't take long for the boy to catch up to her. She then gives in, gives in to the chase. She gives in to his affection. Friends to lovers- Stage 2 complete.
Stage 3- Their Honeymoon.
Oh, they have never been happier! Both so in love and ecstatic. He seems much happier and I guess it cuss his efforts paid off? Or is it just the love? She remains abit shy at first while he showers her w utmost love, practically worshiping her like a loyal devotee. He's always eager to meet her. He loves her so much and She's taken aback by his romantic gestures. Although she has her doubts from deep within, shes convinced she's th luckiest for bagging such an amazing guy. Both experience shyness yet th butterflies in their stomach each time they meet up, resembling newly weds during their honeymoon. They explore new places during their honeymoon, taking pictures, making memories, just embracing their new found love. Perfectly at bliss- Stage 3 complete. *Note- This stage usually last between 6-12 months.*
Stage 4- Distance.
They return from their honeymoon and take rests. By now they know each other very well, whatever doubts she had before is cleared. She gives it her all but she feels he's not as into this as before. Not as sweet and genuine as before. He has started taking her for granted. Her insecurities start mounting. Did she do something wrong? She tries w all her might to reach out to him but he fails. She starts to argue over small issues, in hopes of getting his attention maybe? Doesnt work out as she thought it would. Thus resentment starts to build up, not forgetting th mountain piles of doubts and insecurities she has accumulated. Many things change. There's distance between them now and th irony is that they live in th same state. Pulling apart- Stage 4 complete.
Stage 5- The Question Mark.
So now, the relationship has reached to a fragile stage. Is th love still there? Will things work out? Or is a termination on its way? Its full of possibilities, which not us but only those two in th story can conclude. Are they willing to try? Will th sweet boy return? If both of them try and compromise, then they might return to stage 3 again. But if not, sadly and unfortunately, stage one. The question mark- Stage 5 to be continued.
Monday, August 06, 2012
Saturday, August 04, 2012
This time won't you save me?
Im struggling.
Im sinking.
Im drowning in my own thoughts and miseries.
Can't you hear my silent screams? Im calling you out at th top of my lungs.
Why aren't you here when I need you?
Other times, I did good on my own.
But this time, its difficult.
So maybe just this once, won't you save me?
Won't you?
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