21.

The legal age. The indication that you are now, officially an ‘adult’. Twenty-one.

When I was younger there was always this fuss about being ‘legal 21’. I imagined it to be a time where I would be strong, focused and independent. Maybe having a job even? But truth be told, I still feel like that lost and confused 16 year old girl I was five years ago. How can that not change? I mean like its five years gone already.

I don’t have a job. I am still studying my ass off. My parents nagging doesn’t seem to cease. I am not sure about my career. I can spend the whole afternoon just watching television and sleeping. How will I ever be successful?

Now that I am in my twenties, I feel like whatever comes my way I should be able to handle it. Be it being away from my family, heart breaks, facing life changing decisions or anything at all. I mean by now I should have the maturity, wisdom and the ability to take things in stride right? No, it’s not that simple. Reality check! Cuss well, it’s like tensions, stress and decisions on a whole new level. There are numerous moments where I have no idea which way to go. And then there is added pressure cuss if by any chance, I go the wrong direction, I’ll be lucky if I’m pardoned. Well I am no longer that minor who will be excused easily, am I?

Sigh! So much for looking forward to being 21. It gave me nothing but confusion and self doubt which eventually led to… hair loss. 

The unwanted zone, Friendzoned.

So you like this girl. Shes down to earth, pretty, a nice girl and all, and lucky for you, you both talk and have been for sometime. You know that she likes her fries soggy and she has a sweet tooth! You both share stuffs and are comfortable with each other. Friends is the equation you have w her, BUT that's all it will ever be.
Cuss what she also tells you is, when she thinks she likes this other boy. Baam! There you are, just another victim of being 'Friendzoned.' That aches, doesn't it? After all th efforts you put in to woo and impress her, you end up as just one of her "good guy friend." Yes, I have heard my friends complain about this too many times.

Hold on! It might not necessarily all that bad right? I mean after all something is better than nothing. Rather than just wondering if it woulda worked out w her, at least you tried innit? And theres more to being friendzoned than it appears to be. I aint no pro, but lemme enlighten you a little about what goes on in a girl's mind when she decides to put you in her 'Good guy friend' list. (I admit I do this alot. Haha!)

So,
1. She adores you.
Didn't see this one coming eh? Yes, believe it lads! She finds you sweet and funny. She enjoys your company and th comfort level that you guys have is beyond amazing. She likes you alot and if she wishes, it could be one helluva potential relationship.

Look at this image. This is exactly what I mean. She knows if you guys go down the road, you'll be lovers for sure. But thats where th denial comes in. It may be tempting but she's holding back.

Wait. Its not you, its her. There is probably some strong factor thats stopping her from falling any where near love w you and she's dead sure it will never work out w you in th future. Be it age/status/religious/family/health issues or whatever.

So th next best solution? Friendzoned!







2. She just went through a bad break up.

Lets face it. After a break up, we all have that notion "They are all th same". She's in that grieving period and anything close to dating would only cause her barf reflexes to act up. She's just being nice to not ignore you completely and have you as a friend. Again its not you, its her. Give her some time, stay friends w her but drop subtle hints along th way. Be patient w this one. And if it goes according to plan and she lets you in, Don't break her!

3. She's being friendzoned as well.

You talk to her about football, about the chicks you find hot, about how your night went w the boys and all the beers you chugged down. This time, its you boys. Not her. Have you ever thought maybe you'r the one friendzone-ing her? Don't get me wrong though, it is completely fine to tell her everything about you. But if you have something called 'feelings' fr her, why you hidin' dude? How in th world would she have any clue as to what goes in your head. Or heart for that matter. Damn, boys can be ambiguous I tell you. After that, then you can gauge where you stand on her friend-o-meter. Brace yourself.

4. She is clearly not into you.

Th down right obvious! You need a reality check if this never struck you. This one is where no matter how much hints you give her, how flirtatious you are, the number of times you tried to ask this girl out, it's always gonna be a 'No'. I hate to break to you honey, but she's clearly not into you. Atleast not romantically. My advice? Stop all the flirting, and act like a friend. If not you won't even be close to it.

See! I told you. Being friendzoned isn't all that bad is it? Some times its just th circumstances that moulds our thoughts. They might not apply to all of you but I hope it helps you get a better picture of why and how it comes about. Come to think of it, this could be in th case of boys as well. We get put in that zone too y'know! And even if it doesn't work out between you guys, keep em around cuss no one ever said having friends is harmful. Plus they know you inside out and you'll have one more person to count on.

Thanks fr reading y'all! :)

I can't think of a tittle.

I've been feeling cooped up alot lately. Even listening to new tracks doesn't seem to excite me. I listen to it repetitively then I go back to being restless again. Its mainly in th afterrnoon I feel this way. There's something bothering me. That nibbling sensation in my brain, is highly annoying. I long to be alone, maybe go for a run or just walk aimlessly in the streets plugged in to my headphones. But in th place where I am, there's no such thing as alone. It is not safe as they say. I haven't bought anything new fr a really long time now, I've been really fighting my urge to spend. Tryna stay true to one of my resolutions of 2014. And who am I kidding? Its nearing th end of th month, and I am broke. Who isnt right?

So its that kinda day. That restless, no mood to do anything kinda day. And in hopes to pass th time, I turn to writing/blogging. Writing gives me this... sense of relief? Oh that reminds me, I've got to get a new diary. Its like having an invisible companion, where you won't have to fear being judged, where you let go of all ego and just pen down your thoughts. Especially for someone like me, th sort who simply cannot bottle up of her thoughts. I write whenever I feel low or when there's no one to talk to, I know I can always trust the ol' journal of mine. I don't write much when I am back home though, cuss I am constantly surrounded by my people, which means I hardly get alone time nor feel lonesome.

Hmmm, I looked at th clock bearly half an
hour has passed. I reckon this is th most boring post of mine. I know i know, you wished you hadn't just wasted the few mins of your life reading this huh? Well...
TOO BAD, you already did! Hahaha.

My Fort.

I am a builder. I have been constructing for slightly more than a year now. At first it was fun and easy, piling bricks and things one top of one another. But each day, it grew taller. Its so tall, I have stopped seeing light now. I just look after it. Very cautious, ensuring that nothing will blow it down. It does get tiring sometimes. Once I let my guard down, and it wasn't a pretty sight.

Fail- U're.

Flunking : Hi Numa, we finally meet.

Me : Wish we never did!

I thought I'd be fine, but who am I kidding? My confidence is quivering. I feel flustered, like I dno where to begin. Flunking has never really been my thing. Cuss academics and me? Well, we were always on good terms. Not this time I guess. Sigh! I saw this coming but th reality of failure is like on an entirely new level. Whats more disheartening is... my parents disappointment. Th perfect balance of them trying to hide their disappointment and encouraging me while conversing over th phone. Sigh! :(

So this is what it feels like eh? Ain't pretty. Its like th word failure itself is mocking me. Fail- U're. Get what I mean? All I wanna do is go for a run, plugged in my headphones and run. Run and run till theres no place left to go, till I just disappear.