Will I fit in?

p/s: the original character is MR worry. I edited it to Ms.

I just realised that my CA classes commence this Sunday. Truth be told, I am feeling very scared, worried and nervous at the same time. Its going to be a whole new environment for me. It is the same cycle of meeting new people, making new bonds only to end up losing in contact in the end. Well I am sick of this cycle. I am truly sick of being very close to one person and then months later, its like we are just fair-weather acquaintances. How did we end up from sharing all our secrets/updates to hi-hello-byebye? When does this transition even take place?!

CA is said to be one of the toughest courses which, inevitably means fierce competition. Everyone is vying for a spot to be the best. You start by competing with the person sitting beside you, who is usually your closest friend in the entire class. Would I be able to trust him/her? Think about it. Would you be able to? What if the competition starts to get unhealthy? I am scared to trust anyone, I really am. You never who is befriending you as pure friendship or might have a motive for being w you. Nowadays its hard to tell whose real and who aint. The worst bit?
The innocent ones always end up the most deceiving.

The thought of the studying bit makes me nervous cuss Charted Accounting is a very academically challenging course. No doubt. Cmon all the tough ones are right? Another thing is.. I did Alevels from a Science background. I am more familiar with the acid-base theory, electrode potential, oxidation, periodic table, electricity, kinematics, nuclear energy, E=mc2, Hooke's law, mitochondria, transpiration, valves, alleles, mitosis, meiosis etc. You get the picture. When I browsed the books of my course, It was all graphs from economics, accounting tables and mercantile law. I sat there thinking 'Im doomed!'. It's what my sister studied, not me!! Sigh. I am hoping my 'passion' and 'diligence' will pull me thru the 5 years. I can't bear to disappoint my parents. I never have so why start now, innit?

I think I am having a panic attack. It has been almost a year since I pressed the brakes on my academic pedal. I am worried I have lost the habit of studying. I question myself if I would be able to sacrifice for my studies. Do I have it in me to be as hardworking as the modules require? And the perseverance to study for 5 frickin' years!! Will I be able to keep up with the competitive-ness? Oh dear~ A thousand times I find myself asking

Will I fit in?